The Fast Times of Lance

Hi bloggers these are the saddest darkest loneliest days of my life and its only day 1 but it feels as if its been weeks. Bloggers I wish i had a time machine because I feel as if I lost it all I cant stop the tears, the only thing that stops the tears are the headaches i get from crying. I am trying to be strong for myslef because life goes on and there is a new day ahead but it just seems like I will always feel like this. I do not want new memories, I want the old ones, I want to build upon that. But when you open up and let some one in and let them be your life, someone you depend on, they take everything with them when they leave. The deepest darkest secrets they know everything about you they know and they take it all away with them and their first person to know everything, they are the first for everything. First person you take to your mom, first kiss, first person to say they love you, first person you say I love you to, first person you have a date with, but they are also the first to break your heart. And then you just wish you had some one to talk to about it, but the only person you have to talk to is them because they were your only friend, because when you were together with them they were all that mattered nobody else. Just the two of us. You did not need anybody else to even exist, because you had them.
The only hope that I cling on is the possibility that our situation will reunite us again, I feel like its all my fault, that I am the one to blame. Even as I type this I cannot stop the tears. I just want her to be happy and I want to be happy too, but I want to be happy with her. One more hug one more kiss one more day with her but I won't have it. I won't. I have not been this sad since my dad died a year ago. What do I do with my life now? I know she might feel pain, but I hope its not like this, I know its not like this, because when a heart break it does not breakeven. Breakeven by The Script is such a true song. I wish I could not care but its not in my programming everywhere I look I see her. She is everywhere does she see me everywhere? Too many memories in this place. I am going to miss her forever. All the talk of forever and its all over. I dont want to know anything else but her. I only want her kiss. I only want her hugs. I only want her love. Its all over in a blink of an eye I can't even hear her voice in my head I want to hear it say I love you one more time, but I never have time. I miss her. I do not want love if it leaves me like this, I don't want it.